Money doesn't buy happiness? Ask Coastal Living.

If you've read my blog before, you know I'm about the water, water access, boating, sailing, Long Island Sound and of course, The Mighty Atlantic Ocean- it's a theme I guess rather than a mission, but there really seems to be lots of fodder for discussion on the topic, with more coming every day.

This week I was going to pine offended over one of the many injustices about Connecticut's policies towards its shoreline and economy (There was a great piece about the Economic Downfall of CT in Forbes Magazine you should read it). I also considered recounting my childhood exploits on the Eastern Shores of Maryland.

That was until however I read this little gem of a "One-percenter" article in that pretentious rag of a publication that is all about the "beauty" of "Coastal Living".  With none of the reality and all of the glitz of the Ocean side habitation- Coastal Living provides a look into the world of those who can afford or more to the point, pretend to be able to afford to live in our wealthiest of waterfront communities. For them life is all Wicker Furniture with Lemonade on wind swept beaches.

But I have news for the editors of Coastal Living, for every quaint flag-draped Victorian beach-side bungalow,  their is a rat-infested project perched on a poisoned tidal marsh strewn with tires.  For every Tibee Island there is a Pleasure Beach. For every Essex, CT there is a Camden, NJ. Coastal Living has a myopic view of our relationship to the Water, drawing big red circles around all the lovelies and ignoring all the crimes of Coastal Inhabitation. That is part of the challenge I am facing in getting people to reconnect with the Atlantic Ocean.  People don't see what's wrong with our water because as one Fairfield Woman said to me on Jennings Beach a couple years back, when she was standing ankle deep in raw sewage that washed ashore from Black Rock Harbor, "I pay too much in property taxes for this to be sewage". You just have to shake your head.

The fact is, when  most folks think about Salty Water, they think "Money". Docks, Beaches and Marshes belong to the rich and of course "life is perfect there". But what they fail to realize is the Sea goes everywhere and while the shores of Northport may look lovely, the sewage of NYC and Bridgeport is throughout Long Island Sound and the world. It is all the same waterbody and highlighting the best little rich enclaves only fosters the disconnection between the elite and wealthy and the plight of the world waterways.

But global implications aside, the nonsensical notion of measuring happy towns is just stupid. As if you could really measure happiness let alone parse it into about 10 blocks of geographic area?

I'm no statistician, but any time I see one of these "feel good, this is where you want to live" pieces, I wonder how did they measure that?  Did some underpaid college kid looking for beer money walk around the Hamptons for a month asking homeowners "Are you Happy Here in your $250 Million Beach front home?"

I would imagine they would say, "You bet I am!" I have a great view, my Town loves how much I pay in property taxes so they give me preferential treatment and when the big one hits and my Mansion washes out to Greenland, I get a big fat check from the US Taxpayer to rebuild and do it all over again!" Now that's happiness.

Do you know how many Seaside Communities are on the East Coast alone, let alone on the West Coast? Can you really pick the top 10 "happiest"? The idea of that is impossible to comprehend and so I can only conclude this was another elite-est stab at profiling the haves and ignoring the have not's.

But more than that, the thing that frosts my cupcakes, is the towns they selected for the "Happiest Seaside towns" Why are they happy- cause no one is allowed to go there!

I dont know much about the West Coast which makes up the bottom of the list, but if you look at the top of the list the top five is a who's who of elitism on the East Coast- 1.Beaufort, SC 2. Harwich Port, MA 3.Sanibel Island, FL 4. Sag Harbor, NY and 5. Newport, RI- These places are so exclusive my Spell Check doesn't even recognize them!!

How many people get to really even go to Sag Harbor or Sanibel Island? Are you really telling us anything when you call them "Happy Seaside Towns"?? They are secluded little enclaves for the Haves surrounded by expansive downtrodden economies of the Have Nots. And that's why they are happy- they have food to eat, beautiful homes to sleep in, they know where their next paycheck is coming from and they have the exclusive rights to see the sun rise or set over the water on a daily basis. They are sure happy, but do we need to underline it with a great big highlighter saying yes your the "Happiest" but pay no attention to the poor, unfortunate bastard who is in your back yard who lives ten miles away and has his house in foreclosure and his kid in jail.

Rowayton, CT- Sixth Happiest Seaside Town in the US? Really?

The point that had the greatest illumination for me is when you look at their Number 6- Rowayton, CT.  IT's NOT EVEN A FREAKING TOWN? Its a section of Norwalk, which if you average the "Happiness" of the people who live two blocks down Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard, I am very certain the happiness score of Rowayton would drop somewhere between Bridgeport and Mystic.

I know Rowayton as that is where I got my first big boat as it was being thrown out.  On my daily drives down to resurrect the vessel that almost killed me, I was always scratching my head and saying "How you drive two minutes from Rowayton and you are in the middle of the Projects? How is it that those two communities never mixed even though there is no gate or no guard? How is that so many people were so poor and in need, when next door so many people had so much and no clue?" The Societal Schism in Rowayton is amazing and I'm very certain, Todd with his flops and vineyard vines shorts did not cross DR MLKJ Boulevard to ask the people living the in the Projects of Norwalk if they thought Rowayton was the Sixth Happiest Seaside Town in America. Perhaps we could say the editors were selective in their sampling?

So why even write articles like this Coastal Living other than to ensure the Have's know how much they have and the have-not's can dream about painting the Have's bathroom?  Oh it's nice to dream sure and I guess you do have some very pretty pictures to show us. And I do appreciate the chance to see how the other half lives every once in a while. But your not doing us any favors showing the elitism of our waters, or helping to alleviate the economic divide in our Country when you use such poor methodology in highlighting contentment of those with means. Rather than call it the "Top 10 Happiest Seaside Towns in America", why don't you call it something more accurate like the "Top 10 Waterfront Communities Where You Will Most Likely Be Asked to Leave if You Go to The Water". That has a much better ring of truth to it if you ask me- but that's just my opinion.